Hair today.... Gone tomorrow

It happened.  My hair fell out.  I knew that it would but I was hoping that I would be the exception to the rule.  Cancer won this small battle but do you know what?  It is not the end of the world.  I think for this post, the pictures can speak much louder than I can.  I will start by letting you know that I was told it was a good idea to look for a wig while I still had hair.  That advice turns out to be correct. It was emotional enough to try on the wigs and scarves that I was just not able to buy anything that day.  As with every other step on this crazy journey, my friends and family were by my side.  Thank God!  They are just the best.

We started our search at Hats, Hair 'n Wigs in Davenport.  Gloria owns it and she was just GREAT!  She was so helpful and had such great advice.  She is a tell it like it is gal and it was just what I needed.  She was able to lighten things up when it started to get a bit heavy.  You should all go there.  The hats are so cool!!  Don't we all need a big floppy hat?

This was wig number one.  Not my favorite but it was a start.  These suckers are tough to put on!  It should be noted that even though she didn't take a selfie to prove it, Sarah Peakin was the magic behind the camera helping to document all of this emotion.  Thank you, friend.  I love you so much for these images!

Kiley thought the wig okay.  She is such a strong girl.  So far, she has not been fazed by any of this.  I love her so much!

Comic relief was necessary on this very emotional day.  Tessa was the best!  I am so glad she made the trip from Vinton to be with me.  Remember how awesome I said the hats were?  I am totally going to get a fascinator for my brothers wedding.  I'm really excited about it!!  Maybe not this exact one though.  I don't think I could pull it off like Tess does.

Here is wig number two.  I liked this one much better.  It is more like my actual hair and close to the same color.  The emotion in this picture though.  Wow.  It was a really hard day.  This is a very real picture.  As much as we tried to keep it light, we couldn't get away from the fact that cancer would be taking my hair.  I'm glad that my mom had Kiley though.  That helped.

Lora has been such a strong support system for me.  She is busy getting ready for a new school year but keeps making time when I need her.  She was right by my side with an honest opinion each time I needed one. Gloria was not messing around when it comes to caring for a wig.  Wet fingers only, ring finger and thumb only!

Time for head coverings!  These were tougher to try on because I felt like they were screaming cancer louder and clearer than the wigs.  Turns out that later on, after my hair was gone... I much prefer these!  Good thing that Gloria sat me back down to try them on!

This was the most fun find of the day though!  I bought one with a black hat and super long dark hair!  I might as well get to have some fun with this!!  I love my hat hair :)

Here is the end of our day.  I was done.  I think my entourage was done.  The weight of my situation was getting heavy and I just needed out.  Gloria fully understood and set all of my stuff in the back so I could come back later in the week to get it when I was more ready.  Today was not that day.

Gloria had told me to be very gentle with my hair.  She thought I had a week or so left before I lost it.  I was gentle with it at first but then you know what? It was going to fall out anyhow, I decided that I would brush and blow dry until I couldn't.  I was proud of my hair and I didn't want to look like I was afraid to touch it.  This appointment was on a Saturday.  My hair started to fall out the following Wednesday.  Not a whole lot at once but it didn't take any effort to pull it out with just my fingers.

I remember that on Thursday at work I was crossing my fingers that I would be able to make it through the weekend.  I was going to get my wig and covers on Monday.   When I showered on Friday night, those hopes were squashed.  It was unbelievable.  I could feel the hair fall from my head.  I had a towel on my head while i tried to think of what to do next.  I decided that I would just let it dry and I would just pull off my best messy bun ever on Saturday at work.  Maybe I would have to learn how to tie a scarf around my head to help out.

Once it was dry, I knew that was not an option.  It had dried into one solid dread lock.  So much of my hair and fallen out that I needed a quick plan B.  Aaron had just left for his birthday trip to Boston and I could hear my parents with the kids still.  This plan was on me.  I grabbed my brush and brushed and brushed and brushed.  Seriously... So. Much. Hair. came out of my head.  There was absolutely zero chance of a messy bun or a scarf covering any of the thin, stringy hair that was left.

That was when I remembered that my dear friend, Lisa had gifted me with a beautiful chemo cap a couple of weeks earlier.  That saved me for work on Saturday!  Leaving my room Saturday morning with my head covered was shocking for my parents (especially my Mom).  Now there was just no pretending.  I have breast cancer and it can't be hidden.

By Saturday night, plans had been made to have a shaving party on Sunday night.  The wispy thin strands that were left needed to go.  The next set of pictures are not my favorite.  You can see my insecurities, my worries and my fear.  I find myself thanking God again for my support system.  They are my constant light.  My children and my parents, are a couple of the brightest rays of sunshine in my life!

It is time to get started.  From the side, I guess it does not look so bad but let me tell you, there was hardly anything left.  Jennie also let me know that a lot of what was there was actually not attached anymore.  Ready, set, go....

Lora's hugs are the best hugs.  She was able to keep the mood lighter and Kiley adores her so much! You don't see her pictured because she is holding the camera again but Sarah Peakin is here supporting me in this huge step in the process that cancer is putting us through.

My kids are rock stars.  They are so tough and so loving! To be honest, I think that Brady thought this was pretty cool.  Lol :)

See, I can smile through this.  Do you believe me?  I don't think I could believe myself.  It felt good to get the itchy hair gone but man... I didn't want to see it go.

These two... they are the best.  I love that my Dad was able to be part of this.  I know it was not easy but I also know that it helped my kids to have him there.  It helped me, too.

I could feel the breeze and the rain drops on my head.  This was the worst.  I felt like my femininity was laying on the ground in the pile of hair.  Silly, I know... but that is what I was feeling.

Comic relief... catching raindrops in her mouth. :)

All done.  Inside.  I had not seen it yet and I was honestly already feeling better about myself. The yucky, stringy, thin stuff was gone and I could just move on.

 Here was my first look.  It was so weird!  I have to say, I don't know why my son does not like it when I rub his shaved head.  It feels good!!

 Here I am.  I am done.  My hair is gone.  I am still me.  Sitting on my bathroom floor with some my best friends surrounding me.  They are pretty great.  This support system that I have somehow stumbled into... I am one lucky girl.