#LoveWins

Hi!  I'm back.  I have not forgotten about this blog, believe it or not.  So much has happened in the last two months but I didn't know how to put it into words.  I think I have an idea now... we'll see.


First of all, I am a week out from treatment #5.  I only have one left!  I can see the 'light' at the end of the tunnel so to speak.  Each treatment has taken a bit more out of me and it has taken a bit longer to bounce back. Basically, I sleep all the time.  Several naps each day and still sleep all night long. With the help from my village, I'm making it!
Here's the deal.  I thought was ready to write a while ago but I wasn't.  I was put into a situation where my life really looked pretty good compared to a few other people in my world.  I needed time to use my perspectacles and take a quick breath.  First, I couldn't get myself to put my struggles and strides out there knowing that a dear friend lost a shockingly short battle with his cancer.  His wife... Wow... the courage she has shown through the whole thing... there are no words.  She had some real troubles.  She needed the prayers.  She is shining bright through all of it.  As I watched her in awe, I counted my blessings.

Then, there is this other amazing women.  She is seven years younger than me.  She has breast cancer, too.  We are both loved and prayed for by many of the same people.  Her breast cancer is so much worse than mine.  She has Inflammatory Breast Cancer (IBC).  There needs to be more research.  The researchers need more money.  My friend needs more time.  Life is just not fair. I needed some time to come to terms with all of this.  This nasty disease just sucks.
As cheesy as it sounds, I know how lucky I am.  My cancer, it is so treatable!  Every single turn we have made and answer we have found has been the best case scenario.  I guess I must have some sort of survivors guilt.  I couldn't find the words to talk about my world when really - it's going to be alright.  In fact, it's going to be great.  I have the gift of time and I will never, ever take that gift for granted.
On October 1st, myself and 15 incredible women went to a fundraiser for Susan G. Komen.  It was the Butterfly Brunch to kick off Breast Cancer Awareness month.  A few of us brought our daughters and that was really special.  Those baby girls are the reason for the passion.  They will reap the rewards for all of the work done now.  It was very emotional to stand with Kiley knowing that (hoping that) she would not have to deal with this devil the same way we have to today.  It turns out that I was so taken with the morning that not many pictures were taken at all.  Lol!  Here are the few that I do have.


This is the whole entire crew!  These women gave freely of their time and money for all the men, women and little girls out there who are alreadyand will be affected by this terrible disease. They are my whole world.  Some of them have been there for 21 years and counting... Wow... that's a long time! (Looking at you Tessa and Lisa)

Other of these women have become friends more recently but I tell you what, time just does not matter!  I could not do life without a single one of them.





Aside from a couple of treatments, the rest of October and November went really well!  We had a bridal shower for my new sister in law.  My cousin got married in Omaha and MY BROTHER GOT MARRIED!!!  So exciting.  We were able to see so much family that we NEVER get to see!!  We got to see them TWO weekends in a row!!!!  This was so special.  My Aunts have been my backbone since day one.  I get to see our family from Minnesota fairly often but the other side of our family is just more spread out.  To get to see them and squeeze them in real life... it meant everything. 
Throughout all of this, one thing keeps happening to me.  I am humbled over and over and over again.  People are so willing to give and to help.  In the beginning - and now at times - I was very uncomfortable accepting all of it.  I am the caretaker.  I am the fixer.  I have had to accept that at least half the time, I cannot take care of others or fix all of the things.  I need help.
My parents came back up north for a few weeks to help again before the wedding excitement.  That is so much.  Everything, actually.  When they are here, the kids are covered, the house is covered.  Aaron and I just have to get through treatments and recovery.  Love.
From the beginning, friends have been sending dinners to our house during the 50% of my life that I am sleeping.  Again, this was something that I thought was over the top and unnecessary.  I was wrong, again.  Even when I think I am feeling ok, having that load off of my shoulders means the world.  Aaron is working so hard doing all of the kid running every week.  For my sisters to care enough to make sure that my family eats something other than McDonalds or cereal; that stops the mom guilt from purging completely out of control.
The moral of this story?  Sisters unite!  We will always say we are good and that we have it under control.  Maybe we will be good... and maybe there will be some semblance of control visible through the Instagram filters... but we know better. 
When you see your sister struggling, reach out. You are NOT going to be a bother.  Don't talk yourself out of that text message.  Send it!  Find that great old picture and post it!  When you walk past the Hallmark aisle at  Hy-Vee and think of your long lost pall, spend the extra $1.  Snail mail ROCKS!  My new sister calls it 'Happy Mail'.
Know what would be even better?  If we didn't wait until something super scary or tragic happens.  Lets love each other always, every day.  We are busy and time gets away from us so quickly.  That is the best reason to send love often.  You will make a difference every single time.  I love you all and  realize that I cannot do this without you.  Now please, for me, pass that love on to someone else in  your world who deserves an extra special surprise!  #lovewins